Members of His Body

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that he might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Ephesians 5:22-33

This October marks our eighth wedding anniversary. In preparation for this Every Thought Captive entry, we reflected on how often we’ve seen the themes of Ephesians 5:22-33 play out in our marital relationship without us ever really bringing up the verses explicitly. While we’d love to say this is because Molly is naturally such a go-with-the-flow type of gal or because Chris has more love than anyone has ever had to give, we know those things aren’t true. Instead, Paul’s words to the church in Ephesus impact our marriage in more subtle, but still profound ways.

Now, right off the bat, Ephesians 5:22-33 is one of the prototypical passages on the topic of marriage. It is read at countless wedding ceremonies and is the focus of conferences and books aplenty. Arguably, it is the passage on husbands and wives in the New Testament.

However, we shouldn’t ignore that this is also a controversial passage. It is among the sections of the New Testament most often misused and lorded over another person. Much hurt results from applying these verses incorrectly. We feel sure that pain or challenges in a marriage aren’t addressed by wielding these verses as a weapon against a spouse. Believing, however wholeheartedly, that Ephesians 5:22-33 models a biblical perspective on marriage will not alone result in actually having a biblical marriage.

This is because a pattern of submission and sanctification isn’t just a matter of having good theology. Biblical marriage requires, more than anything else, a mutual focus on and reliance upon a common Savior. It requires help from God.

Ephesians 5 emphasizes that biblical marriage is such because Christ, Himself, is at the center of it. This is the idea that we most frequently return to in our marriage. If either one of us makes our marriage primarily about ourselves, things start to feel misaligned. The same is true when we make our marriage primarily about the other person.

Every element of Paul’s advice to husbands and wives is caveated with reference to Christ. Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands, but only “as to the Lord” and because the Church itself submits to Christ. Yes, husbands are to nourish and cherish their wives, but because this is “just as Christ does the Church.”

For many, Ephesians 5:22-33 can bring anxiety or unease about not fulfilling some sort of marital standard. This is not Paul’s intent. These verses are meant to empower marriages with the only thing that enables husbands and wives to really care for one another: the sacrificial love of Christ.

In verse 30, Paul reminds us that “we are members of His body.” The Greek word for “members” here can also refer to the melody of various musical parts. This is a poignant comparison. It is only together that we can truly compose music. It is together that we can communicate this profound mystery. This music is not achievable in isolation or opposition. It is made in concert with Jesus and in partnership with one another.

 

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This devotional has been co-authored by Chris Hatley and his wife, Molly.