Kind and Tenderhearted

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:29-32

If you have been around the church for a while, it can be easy to read the encouragement “be kind to one another” in Ephesians 4:32 as overly simplistic or, perhaps, a throw-away statement. Sure, Paul tells his readers this, but “be kind” is hardly profound theological advice. Isn’t this just a summary of what he’s already said in verses 29 through 31?

Well, this imperative “be kind to one another” is no less important than anything else said in chapter 4. In our modern moment, “being kind to one another” is something we far too often justify aside. When confronted by our perceived enemies, kindness tends to take a backseat to “truth telling” or general defensiveness. Kindness is often accompanied with its fair share of caveats and asterisks, giving us plenty of reasons that kindness can wait. Paul, however, wants to emphasize that kindness must remain a core part of our relationships. After all, in Romans 2:4, Paul reminds us of the effect of God’s own kindness: “Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?”

We’ve all experienced that it is possible to both “let no corrupting talk come out from your mouths” and “let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you” and yet still not really be kind to someone. It is possible to speak articulately with great poise, remaining completely calm, and even smile, all while hardening our hearts toward someone.

We need to remember that Paul is saying not just to avoid corrupting talk, but to build up and give grace. We are not just to avoid bitterness and malice, but to be genuinely kind to one another, being compassionate to and sympathetic for their weakness.

Now, this kindness will not originate in us. Instead, it is a fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22). Kindness flows from a God-wrought tenderheartedness, an acknowledgement of all we ourselves have been forgiven for. One recalls the parable in Matthew 18:21-35 where the servant has an unfathomable debt to the King forgiven only to throw his own servant in prison over relative pennies. When we forget that God in Christ forgave us, the forgiveness of and kindness toward others becomes impossible.

Being kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving is a natural response to the grace we have been shown in Christ. This kind of gospel-informed living should mark us uniquely as believers. Yes, we should be fierce in our defense of the faith and standing for what is right. However, these things are never to be done sans kindness. Everything that flows from us should indicate, though imperfectly, that we are sealed for the day of redemption, forgiven by God in Christ. Equipped with kindness, the imperatives coming in Ephesians 5:1-2 will seem a lot less intimidating: “Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”